Because thin, sober, and well-rested is no way to go through life, kid.

I am a teacher in Houston.  I am a Michigan refugee who has been lovingly adopted by Texans. I am a recovering teacher and procrastinator, and am aspiring to discover what it is like to have a life again. I like to read, cook, and spend money on things that make my husband roll his eyes and drink heavily. I have a dog who cannot tell the difference between us and a crackhead. I have a cat who would shred our faces in our sleep if we did not have the opposable thumbs necessary to pour him his food. I have been slapped by a hobo, been kicked off of a train in a foreign country, and been a third shifter at a cell phone repair facility with a professional backyard wrestler named Larry. I have a superhuman ability to predict who will be the next person kicked off of a reality show.

I like the following things in no particular order:

  • Wine that costs less than ten dollars.
  • Being employed.  I would like to be employed again someday.
  • Drinking wine that costs less than ten dollars out of fancy goblets.
  • Hearing stories about my ancestors, who apparently had lots of money and then lost it.
  • Writing things.
  • Babies.  Particularly mine.
  • Cooking.
  • Texas.
  • Cooking with cheese.
  • Eating.
  • Eating cheese.
  • Making things and being very impressed with them for a few days before realizing that they are crap.
  • Teaching English.
  • Middle Eastern food.
  • Reading books.
  • Inventing recipes.
  • When my husband’s face twitches when he’s trying to look serious and not laugh.
  • Petting dogs.
  • Rescuing dogs from the side of the road and then finding them homes while letting them play with our dog, Gumbo.
  • Our dog, Gumbo.
  • Being food adventurous.

I dislike the following things in no particular order:

  • People who are too loud for no reason.
  • Eggplant.
  • People with no concept of personal space.
  • Giving up wine.
  • The word ‘moist’.
  • Our cat, Spike, who is an asshole.
  • Super Mario Galaxy, because I have no concept of spatial relations and that little jerk keeps dying.
  • People yelling.
  • The word ‘clot’.
  • People who are not on top of their shit.  I may be slightly Type A.
  • All of the stress weight I gained as a teacher.
  • Clowns.
  • Robin Williams.  He causes me anxiety.
  • Awkwardness and awkward people.
  • Trying to decide where to eat with people who don’t like any food except American food.  Whatever that is.
  • When Gumbo looks sad.

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