The Anti-Princess and Lessons Taught

Considering I’m unemployed, I should be better at keeping up with this thing.  Instead, I’ve been watching every cover of “Call Me Maybe” that YouTube has to offer. 

We found out the other day that we are having a baby girl.  Actually, what the tech said was that he is “99% sure” that it’s a girl, so there is a 1% chance that she’ll come out with a penis and surprise everyone.  During the anatomy scan, the tech kept going back and forth, saying, “See, from this angle it looks like a girl, but from this angle, it looks like a boy,” which resulted in Husband hissing at me from the sidelines, “See what you did?  It actually IS a hermaphrodite hand-head baby!”  Now our goal is to fight against the tidal wave of pink sparkles that is headed our way, possibly with this onesie: .

According to my (Google) research, Fetusaurus can hear things going on inside the womb now, and will be able to hear things outside the womb around 24 weeks.  As we’re only half-baked, we have a few more weeks before we have to worry about not watching trashy TV that she can hear (just kidding, Hoarders will be a part of my life forevermore), but I’ve still been talking to her and explaining various things to her, so that she’ll have a solid grasp on life by the time she pops out. 

Here are the things we have been discussing.

1.  The phenomenon known as Justin Bieber

2.  Starbucks

3.  Loud talkers in quiet restaurants

4.  Our kitty.  Spike is a Grade A asshole most of the time, but in a stunning twist of events, he has inexplicably become incredibly friendly, actually crawling into my lap on occasion.  I am skeptical of his motives, and suspect that around 6 months from now, I will walk into the nursery to find him poised over the baby with a pillow in his paws.  I feel Fetusaurus should be warned about this.

5.  The Beatles

So far, Fetusaurus is listening gamely to all of this.  Then again, I quite literally have a captive audience.  We’ll see how these life lessons go when she’s out and about.


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