Things I Think I Know: Week 5

Thing 1: Going over a speed bump will not cause Fetusaurus to bounce out of me.  I have been over several speed bumps since getting the positive, and so far, Fetusaurus has not fallen out.  I was worried at first, and drove really slow, and pinched my legs together, and hissed, “YOU STAY IN THERE, FETUSAURUS”, and so far so good.

Thing 2:  People are confused about babies.  Everything I’ve read seems to conflict.  It’s okay to eat lunchmeat.  It’s not okay to eat lunchmeat.  It’s okay to color your hair.  It’s not okay to color your hair.  The only clear message I’ve gotten is that I shouldn’t binge drink or shoot heroin.  Done.  Although it really, REALLY hurt to throw out the remainder of the boxed wine. 

Thing 3:  My immune system is an asshole.  Because why wouldn’t I catch a cold as soon as I can’t take any cold medicine or drink myself into a germy stupor?  Why, I ask you.  Enjoy the phlegm, Fetusaurus. 

Here’s hoping I’ll know more post-baby-appointment.

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